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An original golden shovel poem

For Poetry friday, my Poetry sisters and I are doing "golden shovel" poems, where you use lines or stanzas from an existing poem (grabbing a shovel full of gold from someone else). You use the words of a line (or lines) in the order given, as the end words of each line in your new poem.

We are all working from the wonderful "Pied Beauty" by Gerard Manley Hopkins. The Hopkins poem is a curtal sonnet using sprung rhythm - you can read about both in this prior post, but here is the whole, lovely source poem for our golden shovels.

Pied Beauty
by Gerard Manley Hopkins

Glory be to God for dappled things—
  For skies of couple-colour as a brinded cow;
    For rose-moles all in stipple upon trout that swim;
Fresh-firecoal chestnut-falls; finches’ wings;
  Landscape plotted and pieced— fold, fallow, and plough;
    And áll trádes, their gear and tackle and trim.

All things counter, original, spare, strange;
  Whatever is fickle, freckled (who knows how?)
    With swift, slow; sweet, sour; adazzle, dim;
He fathers-forth whose beauty is past change:
        Praise him.


My lines are as follows:

All things counter, original, spare, strange;
Whatever is fickle, freckled (who knows how?)

And here is my poem:

Oh love -- give me all
your heart! I do not want things--
not necklaces, not flowers for my counter-
tops. I much prefer the original
offer you made of kisses, of time to spare.
Keep singing me your strange,
familiar songs, whatever
may come. Our love is
bone-deep, bedrock, not fickle
or frivolous. Let me wake to freckled
shoulders, strong and sure. Who
would trade away a moment? Lord knows
we can fill them. Let me show you how.


I will add links and such a bit later, but please check the Poetry Friday lineup and find poems by Tricia Stohr-Hunt, Sara Lewis Holmes, Tanita Davis, Laura Purdie Salas, and Liz Garton Scanlon.

Laura wrote a gorgeous poem about a Syrian refugee.

Liz has written about a girl with a pony.

Tanita wrote TWO; one about lilies, the other about being made of star stuff (sort of). *swoon*

Tricia wrote a love poem for her anniversary.

Comments

( 19 comments — Leave a comment )
patty1943
Jun. 1st, 2017 03:58 pm (UTC)
Great one!
kellyrfineman
Jun. 3rd, 2017 11:09 pm (UTC)
Thank you!
lpsalas
Jun. 2nd, 2017 02:30 am (UTC)
Oh, Kelly--this is perfection! Especially as I've been seeing your fabulous and love-filled pics on Facebook. I love how effortless this feels, like it just fell directly out of your own heart.
kellyrfineman
Jun. 3rd, 2017 11:10 pm (UTC)
Thank you, Laura! I wrote it quickly on Thursday morning and posted it while we had wifi at a café, knowing we'd be at sea and without internet on Friday. It worked out well, I think. And thank you SO MUCH for sharing the link for me!!
Tricia Stohr-Hunt
Jun. 2nd, 2017 11:56 am (UTC)
I have so loved seeing your photos of your trip, and in the spirit of Laura's comment, this is the perfect exclamation point on it.
I never would have imagined these end words leading you here, but it is a natural fit. Lovely, lovely poem.
kellyrfineman
Jun. 3rd, 2017 11:11 pm (UTC)
I wasn't really sure where those words would lead me, but they were the ones I planned on using even before I left home. I'd intended to write it super early, but then didn't, and this poem just fell out almost as you see it in one go.
Mary Lee Hahn
Jun. 2nd, 2017 01:31 pm (UTC)
Yes! What Laura and Tricia said! The joy on your faces in the photos from your adventure pair perfectly with this poem!
kellyrfineman
Jun. 3rd, 2017 11:11 pm (UTC)
We had a splendid trip/honeymoon! And thanks!
Linda Baie
Jun. 2nd, 2017 02:47 pm (UTC)
When one writes, figuring out the words that must be included, it is a surprise, yet your poem seems like it flowed exactly "into" those words, Kelly. It's a gorgeous love poem.
kellyrfineman
Jun. 3rd, 2017 11:12 pm (UTC)
Thanks! I let Morris read it after I'd posted it, and he said "I have freckles on my shoulders?" And I said, "Not really, but I had to use the word freckled because of the poem's requirements, so . . . "
TS Davis
Jun. 2nd, 2017 02:53 pm (UTC)
*slow clap*
Well done to you, to use TWO lines. I think that's the trick; these either must be quite short and pithy, or long enough to make sense.

I'm astounded you did this was a travel date bearing down on you. Brava!
kellyrfineman
Jun. 3rd, 2017 11:14 pm (UTC)
Re: *slow clap*
I did this WHILE TRAVELING, in fact. I wrote it on the ship in the morning, then typed it into Notes on my phone, then uploaded it while at a café in Argostoli, Kefalonia, Greece, on Thursday for lunch, because we didn't want to pay for the exorbitant wifi on the ship!
Buffy Silverman
Jun. 2nd, 2017 04:12 pm (UTC)
I love how different your poem feels from the source poem--and especially the line, Who would trade away a moment? Words to live by.
kellyrfineman
Jun. 3rd, 2017 11:15 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much, Buffy!

And seriously, I didn't have it in me to try to write sprung rhythm. Though I did work God into the poem (sort of).
jama rattigan
Jun. 2nd, 2017 05:28 pm (UTC)
Really lovely, Kelly!
kellyrfineman
Jun. 3rd, 2017 11:15 pm (UTC)
Thank you, Jama!
kaymcgriff
Jun. 2nd, 2017 08:02 pm (UTC)
beautiful
What a beautiful poem!
kellyrfineman
Jun. 3rd, 2017 11:16 pm (UTC)
Re: beautiful
Thank you!
Sara Lewis Holmes
Jun. 8th, 2017 09:37 pm (UTC)
How I love "Keep singing me your strange, familiar songs" Yes! This is quite lovely, and I get a kick out of knowing that you reject Things (which Hopkins does praise, after all) and yet, stay right with his spirit of joy. Brava.
( 19 comments — Leave a comment )

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